


Thick As Thieves

by powerfulantidote



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, men learn communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/powerfulantidote/pseuds/powerfulantidote
Summary: Over the course of several months, Danton and Sean learn to navigate feelings no one prepared them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> People who are going to sue me do not interact

“Danny, you haven’t gotten a girls number since the season began. You’re the only hockey player with a strikeout statistic.” 

Jake’s fucking with him. That’s Jake’s thing, so Danton can’t really take it personally. Anyone else in the car could be the target of jokes that Jake had stolen off a “best twitter roasts” compilation. But today’s the day before valentines day, and combining that with a long night of bar hopping (and, realistically, rejection) ahead meant Danton’s love life was the butt of all jokes. 

He enjoyed feeling like he belonged with the guys on the team. Even if it involved them talking about how bad he is with women. 

“Sliding into Instagram models DM’s doesn’t make you a ladies man either.” Danton dishes it just as well as he takes it. Anders, Noel, and Sean show their support in the backseat of Jake’s car with a whole lot of incoherent hollering.

Too busy watching the road, Jake can’t defend himself before Sean chimes in. “We’re about one road trip away from Behind the B collabing with Catfish.”

Jake yanks the air freshener off the rearview mirror and tosses it towards the backseat. That doesn’t stop Noel from doing Nev Schulman impressions until Anders interrupts. 

“What Jake’s saying is…you expect to be rejected. Pity isn’t a good form of interest.” Anders takes his time speaking. The thoughtfulness from him is something Danton always enjoyed.

“What I’m saying is if Dan came up to me all-” Jake pauses, making his voice a higher pitch for a surprisingly accurate impersonation. “‘Hey, I’m a hockey player’ I’d have a friend Google what beer league he plays for.” 

Even Danton can’t help laughing at the uncanny imitation. A parking spot opens up and is met with cheers from the back seat. He hopes they’ll move on to another topic, but Sean has other ideas. 

“Look. You’re attractive, successful, funny, well-traveled-”

“You’ve picked Sean up” Noel interrupts to make the jab that causes Jake to nearly crash the car from laughing. Unphased, Sean continues with his point. 

“-But you get nervous and trick yourself into thinking you’ve got nothing to say. Plan some topics, tell the story about uh, like, the time you made a makeshift bar with your team in college during that snowstorm. That one always makes me laugh. Just don’t lead with the story about calling a number written in the men's room again. Like, ever.”

“I thought that was good! It’s interesting! It’s Funny!”

“It’s a story someone with an ax collection and a warrant would tell.” The quick response comes from Anders, which means he should probably trust that judgment. 

\------------------------

Five hours and two bars later, Danton’s having a night like no other. What was supposed to be a normal night celebrating the lack of morning practice ended with them crashing the celebrations from the women’s college hockey Beanpot tournament. Boston College was taking over the city to celebrate their championship and destroy their livers. Drinks were cheaper, parties were going strong well into the night, and the young bruins were still at an age able to join the fun. 

Maybe it was the critiques from earlier, maybe the college crowd, but inhibitions were well gone. They’d already reached a point where Jake convinced Danton to sing duet karaoke of Sk8er Boi in front of the whole bar, despite knowing he’d most likely be sending apology emails to the Bruins public relations in the morning. Especially for the part when he tried to lift Jake up.

Adrenaline settles and Danton realizes he hasn’t seen Sean much in the past hour. Sean does well with people, that’s not the worry. It’s more that Danton wants to be able to share this with him. 

He knows how it sounds, it’s never been easy to explain. There’s just something about Sean that makes Danton want to stay at his side. Sean has always had his back, and it comes from a place of loyalty and understanding. He knew when Danton needed a push, but would grab Danton’s hand and get ready to dive with him instead of shoving him from behind. 

God, this is dumb. He needs another drink. 

Walking takes more effort than it probably should, but he’s had worse moments with alcohol. He needs to distract himself from intrusive thoughts he refuses to entertain, and at this moment that means nursing a beer. It’s the best option for his own well being. 

A group of college kids across the bar are participating in a drunk hula hooping competition. Where they got the hula hoops, Danton doesn’t question, but the motions are mesmerizing is his drunk state. He places bets with himself to keep his thoughts from wandering before someone taps on his shoulder. 

Sean’s there, smiling.

“What’re you doing all alone? You and Jake break up the musical act?” He drops his grin. “Is this gonna be like when Destiny’s Child broke up?”

“Only if I’m Beyonce.” Danton offers in a softer voice than intended. They stay silent for a moment until interrupted by cheers from the hula hoop competition. 

For some reason, one Danton himself wishes he knew, he sputters out another sentence. “I bet I could beat you at that.”

Sean bursts out laughing without any pause. It’s a little offensive. “You can barely stay upright, bud.”

“Good thing that’s not the game. Come on. Loser buys winner two beers.” 

“You do not need more beer.” Sean's teasing is met with an eye roll. It’s not like Danton is the only drunk one in this conversation. 

“Doesn’t have to be tonight. What, you afraid of losing?” 

That’s all Sean needs for encouragement. He grabs Danton’s arm and practically speed walks them to the other end of the bar. 

\-------------

“You cheated.” Sean declares, patting himself down for the keys to his apartment. 

“You tried to pull my hair first! Don’t be a dick ‘cause I cheat better than you.” Danton’s sober enough now to string together full sentences. The urgency Sean had getting his teammates to leave helped lower the intoxication. They should have known sooner, but it took several embarrassing moments and too many drinks before Sean noticed just how many patrons in the bar weren’t twenty one and the trouble that could get them in. 

With the crisis avoided, Danton returned to gloating about his hula hoop win that may or may not have been aided by stepping on Sean’s foot. 

“I was teasing, you got violent.” Sean exaggerates while entering the apartment. It’s smaller than most of the players on their team. Or maybe it just feels that way because of the piles of clothes on every piece of furniture.

“I swear to god Sean, I’m gonna send pictures of this to your mom. Can you even sit in this place?”

“You can send her whatever, I can always tell your parents that you haven’t gone apartment hunting and are still in that place with the yodeling woma-” 

Sean is cut off by Danton hitting him in the face with a pair of dirty jeans that were draped over a chair. He shouldn’t be giving Sean shit for his place, he really is thankful for not having to treck back to own his apartment. It would just be weirder if he got serious about it. Providing the morning coffee is a better thank you anyway. Real coffee, not gas station shit Sean always drinks. 

At least Sean is providing him pillows and blankets. That luxury can’t be expected at every hockey players place, a lesson he learned when visiting Pasta’s. 

Sean’s next course of action after making the couch is heating up mystery leftovers from the fridge. Five in the morning isn’t a trainer approved mealtime, but vodka isn’t a trainer approved drink either. Danton figures it’ll be fine with the calories they burned dancing and hula hooping.

“You still owe me two beers!” Danton yells to Sean from the couch he’s quickly gotten comfortable on. 

“Is me making your food and letting you sleep here not a high form of luxury?” He sounds unimpressed, it’s part of his banter. Danton isn’t going to let him have the last word. 

“You’d do that no matter what happened.”

Sean steps into the doorway with two steaming paper plates. There’s no rebuttal to what Danton said because it’s absolutely true. 

The actual sting to Danton isn’t from any comeback but from the sight of Sean walking in the room with his hair sticking up in every direction, looking tired and comfortable and welcoming. He places both bowls of meat and rice on the crowded coffee table and Danton is about to start stuffing his face when he notices Sean removed the carrots from Danton’s food. Weeks earlier Danton had mentioned hating the texture while he slid them off his plate and onto a napkin at a fancy team dinner and somehow Sean remembered. Sean remembered and went out of his way to make Danton’s life easier even though it meant more work for him and there’s something about that thought that makes Danton’s chest get tight. 

“Tell you what,” Sean snaps Danton out of his crisis. “You get three options to redeem your reward. One, beers on me next time we go out, the normal option. Two, you can have any item in my fridge-”

“So you mean your sauce packet collection from McDonald's?” 

“-Or the third option, be entertained with a striptease. These clothes are covered in beer and I know I’m a pretty sight right now.” 

The comment is meant as self-deprecating. Maybe a stab at how late or, well, early it is. It’s also a bit of a dare. Danton has to think to breathe, to keep himself from hyperventilating. It’s not serious, he knows it’s not serious, it’s a joke like always. 

He’s so, so tired of joking.

“Show me what you got.”

“In the fridge?”

“No, come on, I wanna know what made you bring up a striptease. If you suggested it then you must have practiced.” It occurs to Danton that this is what gay chicken is. The realization isn’t lost on Sean either considering the tension. Or the way he maintains eye contact while removing his shirt.

It’s not slow or dramatic and is topped off by throwing it at Danton’s face. That diffuses some of the tension. It would be easy for them to end it there, walk away then and have Sean buy him a beer later in the week. Neither of them would question it, and this could stay as another funny story. Nothing changes if Sean walks away. 

He feels Sean sit in his lap.

“I’m not exactly a small guy but um, neither are you.” The joke is more awkward than Danton intends, but he’s serious about the difficulties of balancing another hockey player on him. 

“You chose this, dude,” Sean tells him, both unsure of what’s next. Danton is waiting for another joke, for Sean to say something cheesy and make them laugh. 

Sean runs his hands through his hair and tells him “You know I allow audience participation.” 

It should take more than that, considering the risk. His entire life could end tomorrow. All of North America could know within twelve hours. None of that matters when Sean is sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped around him and none of it matters when Danton goes to kiss him. Danton spent months pretending this isn’t something he wanted and the exhilaration doesn’t wear off as they go from kissing to taking their clothes off to heading to Sean’s room.

They feel invincible up until the morning comes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are stronger talks of homophobia in this chapter and it's also rushed at the end sowwy.

Danton hated when romance and sex came up in the locker room. It sucked growing up hearing his teammates make gay jokes at those who lacked a list of conquests. The threat of being caught as if he was a criminal was even worse.

It was better on the Bruins. Guys like Bergy and Krej made sure nothing went overboard. They still teased, but no one got too nosy. Danton could just give advice and tease his friends over their misadventures without outing himself.

Sleeping with a teammates changes all of that.

“Her dad calls, no joke, at eleven at night. Says he locked himself out and needs us to come over. Like...what the fuck. It’s Valentine’s Day! I don’t know where my clothes are and we’ve been drinking alcohol we can’t pronounce the name of all day.”

Torey has everyone in stitches after practice. He’s telling their favorite kind of story, the ones in which he makes fun of himself. Any other day Danton would be all over it. Today, he bit his tongue to resist making a joke about blue balls.

“Was it on purpose?” The yell comes from an over-enthusiastic Brandon.

“I would do that to him.” Brad throws in the chirp.

Torey flips him off and continues his story.

“I know he did. Wanna know how? We get there and the door isn’t. Even. Locked.” The room roars at Torey’s dramatization. “I don’t get it! We’ve been happily together for a few years now. Her mom likes me. For some reason, he thinks I’m just some pretty rich boy.”

It’s too easy a target for Brad. “Well, you’re certainly not pretty.”

“I appreciate the support,” Torey responds with a deadpan. “Now, someone please share something good. I need to live through one of you. Sean, you got something?”

The room gets quiet until Sean responds.

“Yeah, actually. Got more action than you.”

If he got a say in the matter, Danton would pick any other way to die that wasn’t from embarrassment in Calgary’s visitor locker room. He’s not high maintenance, he could take slow dismemberment in arctic temperatures or being hit by a car driven by sharks who then attack him. Anything but this.

“Met someone when partying. Had a good time hanging out and one thing led to another. One of the better hookups I’ve had.”

The men react with whistling and sarcastic clapping. Danton tries to look really, really interested in putting his shin pads away as Sean finishes his summary.

“Gone before I woke up.”

“That a good or a bad thing?” Torey asks with sincerity.

“Not really sure. I mean, I was hoping it would lead to something longer, but,” Sean waves his hand “what can you do.”

The answer is casual, Sean’s voice staying even as he packs up his equipment. He can’t tell if Sean’s bitter, disappointed, or understanding about Danton ditching him.

“We can always help you find someone cooler and hotter.” Brandon offers and okay, it’s now like he’s aware that Danton’s the subject of the story, but still. Ouch. “What’d she look like?”

“Taller, blonde. Cute nose. Really sexy voice.”

The description is vague. Most of the girls their teammates pick up fit the description. He can still hear his own heartbeat.

“Flexible, if you catch my drift.”

If Danton survives this, he’s going to kill Sean later.

“Wasn’t just looks, we got along well. It felt like we knew each other our whole lives or something.”

Their teammates' begin to rag on Sean for the cliche, but Danton’s had enough. He isn’t putting himself through any more of this.

Everything he hasn’t packed yet gets haphazardly thrown into his bag as he calls for an uber. It’s not until he’s alone in the hotel room that his tunnel vision wears off.

He gets a text from Matt asking where he went and if he was around to split the ride back. Instead of answering, he puts his phone on silent and tosses it at the bed.

How is he the bad guy? He wanted to stay. He wants to get breakfast with Sean and blow straw wrappers at him and play footsie under the table. Getting a normal romance, getting to have that with Sean, is something Danton would kill for.

It sucks for both of them. Sean should get that. Why doesn’t he get that? Danton didn’t invent homophobia. Or made it so that they’d lose their careers and future jobs and maybe friends and family if they were caught. They’d end up returning to their hometowns stuck on opposite sides of the continent. Blackballed and blackmailed into never speaking of why they can’t play hockey anymore.

Sure, they could try to hide it, but just existing in the locker room when you weren’t straight was hard. If Sean is gonna pull shit like he did today then it wasn’t getting easier when fucking a teammate. They couldn’t even go on normal dates. All it would take is one picture uploaded to Twitter for everything to end.

Danton didn’t want it to be like this. But the longer they entertained the idea that this could work, the more it would hurt when they realized that isn’t possible.

 

\---------

By the end of the road trip, Danton mastered the art of avoiding Sean. It was easier than he thought. There were no antics like the one in Calgary. Sean didn’t try to speak to him at all. The anxiety may be fading, but was replaced with heartache and resentment.

That’s the only explanation Danton had for being this drunk after forty minutes into drinking with the team.

They finished the trip with a win in Buffalo and quick flight back to Boston, which meant celebration drinks upon landing. Despite the win, Danton was a dangerous combination of lonely, sad, and impulsive. Noel’s dare for him to shotgun a beer faster than Brad could improvise a generic apology to player safety began the steady stream of bad decisions for Danton.

Danton’s grabbing a refill when he spots Sean. Sitting two tables away with Jake and Anders, he’s got his arms behind his head, moving them occasionally to gesture. Judging by his mannerisms, Sean’s probably telling the story about staying at a farm in Indiana and rolling down a hill in a tractor tire. The motions are familiar enough for Danton to figure out what part of the story it is.

He can’t stop thinking about how attractive Sean looks. It’s unfair. He shouldn’t be allowed to look this good when Danton is trying to avoid him.

Maybe the refill was a bad idea, and maybe he shouldn’t have chugged it looking directly at Sean. He catches Danton’s gaze and cooly raises an eyebrow. It pisses him off.

“Don’t do that. You know what that does to me.” Danton blurts out louder than he meant. All three guys at the table turn and look at him.

“Excuse me?” Sean’s more amused than mad, especially when Danton stumbles heading towards the table. This is prime time entertainment for Jake, but Anders is more confused than humored.

“I said...it’s like, you look good when you do that. You know you do.” The words slur together, but Danton doesn’t care. Or notice.

All three burst out in laughter, which irritates him more. Sean shares a long look with Jake, unsure of how to respond before turning back to Danton.

“Were you watching us?”

“Would you like if I was?”

This will probably end up on Jake’s private twitter. His jaw is dropped and head swivels for Sean’s response. Anders keeps his eyes on Danton, brows furrowed while considering stepping in.

“You should go home.” Sean’s statement of concern is laced with venom. Well, two can play at that game.

“Or what?”

It’s enough for Anders to get involved. “No, he’s right, you’ve hit your limit. Crash with me, I’ll drive you back.”

Finding his jacket and closing the bar tab is a blur. Most of it’s done by Anders. They get a small salute from Jake as they leave, but Sean waits until Danton turns his back to mutter a statement disguised innocently.

“Just don’t make any bets with him.”

Danton throws up in the parking lot.

 

\--------

Between blackout curtains, the Advil and water on the table, and quiet location, Danton concludes he should stay at Anders after drinking more often.

“Drink that. Your breath is fucking nasty,” Anders announces as he enters, and Danton isn’t going to argue.

The curtains pull open in a swift, dramatic motion making Danton groan and roll over. “Fuck you.”

“No! No ‘fuck you.’ I saved your ass last night! What the hell was that about?” The intensity makes Danton wish Anders would be quieter but know better than to tell him as much.

“Was I that bad?”

“People are more subtle on Grinder.”

The sentence shouldn’t alarm him, but it’s what makes Danton come to. Anders could just be teasing, that’s not new. The tone tells him that’s not the case. Which means Anders figured out Danton’s sexuality crisis. Maybe Jake has too. Did he out Sean? Jesus.

Danton knows he must look terrified by how Anders softens. “You don’t have to talk about it. You know, if you don’t want to.”

For a while, they don’t. Anders makes two plates of toast and eggs. They eat and watch sitcom reruns from the couch, and Danton teases that it’s surprising he can work a stove.

There’s a level of trust in that. Of Anders knowing and not forcing him to explain himself, of giving him time and space. It helps Danton speak.

He figures it’s best to start at the beginning, whatever that is, and keeps his eyes fixed on the television.

“I think I was eighteen? It was my first year of college. Like, everyone else had girlfriends. If they didn’t they were with a new girl every weekend. I knew my shit was fucked before then, but this year it felt more real. Road trips sucked the most.”

“They still suck.” Anders offers. It makes him smile.

“During one in January, I went off on my own. Said I was gonna head back early but found a bar instead. Not sure how I knew where to go, I definitely wasn’t risking looking it up. Maybe it’s part of like, gay senses.

“Everyone in there knew this was my first time at a gay bar and that I wasn’t from there. That made them suspicious. This other guy, only a couple years older, figured out I was some college athlete. Didn’t ask many details ‘cause he could tell I was just as nervous.”

There’s a pause as Danton gathers his thoughts. Anders breaks some tension by asking “Was he at least good looking?” That gets a full laugh from Danton.

“I’d say he was a looker. The whole experience was a bit underwhelming. He drove me to an empty parking lot and...that was that.

“We didn’t really talk until we finished, which...wasn’t the smartest move on my part. I didn’t get murdered, so it’s fine. He was smoking and we sat on the hood of his car, which is the closest I’ll get to a teen movie. I could tell by the questions he asked that he was interested but didn’t wanna scare me away. He knew way too well how it worked.”

This time Anders doesn’t fill the silence.

“Ended up finding out he was a former student-athlete, too. Played soccer. Don’t know for who or when. Which isn’t bad. It just...kinda felt like a sign that this was the best I was gonna get. You know?”

Anders doesn’t try to tell him how that’s not true or how it’ll all be okay. There’s no attempt to lie to Danton or say something for the sole purpose of patting himself on the back. Danton is glad he’s the first person he told.

“So...you and Sean? If you, you know, want to talk about it.”

Talking about everything that’s been bottled up for years, getting affirmation on experiences he’s kept secret in fear, is a bigger relief than he could imagine. May as well keep going.

It’s the first time he’s been able to examine everything with Sean. Beginning with seeing him in Providence and the way he so easily spoke to others and how he belted along to songs he played in the locker room. Then becoming friends, talking more and hanging out until three am and not wanting to be the one to call it a night even though they’d see each other within the next few days. Hating himself for loving Sean because he was a teammate who he thought was straight and he didn’t want to ruin the best chance he had to get to the majors.

Finally, the night before valentines day into the morning of and sleeping with him. Waking up in a panic and leaving because he didn’t know what would be worse: Sean rejected him or Sean wanting to make it work.

Anders takes his time before responding. The silence is comfortable and considerate rather than judgemental.

“I know that you’ve been close with each other for a few years and we all joke about you two sharing a brain, but he doesn’t actually know what you’re thinking.”

The gut reaction Danton has is to be defensive, but the point is too reasonable to make a rebuttal. He hates when Anders is right.

“I just...it’s not even the best friend thing. We both know what the league is like, anyone who is gay or bi or whatever does. I kinda thought it was an unspoken rule to prevent anyone from finding out.”

Anders’ answer is quicker this time. “Well, first of all, you both really suck at keeping things a secret. I don’t know how a conversation in Sean’s apartment is worse than insulting each other in a locker room or bar.”

Okay. That’s true.

“Second of all, why should it be unspoken? This isn’t some guy in Vancouver you had a one night stand with, he’s your best friend. You got there by never shutting up around each other. I don’t know how far along he is with figuring out his own sexuality. Maybe you’re the first guy he’s been with. If that were me, I’d want my best friend to help me figure it out.”

Danton leans his head against the couch an closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to hear it, but he needs to. Sean was a dick in Calgary, but Danton was a dick first.

“So, what do I do?” Danton is done trusting his own judgment.

“You’re gonna be on a team with him for a good while longer. And you have the same friends. It won’t go right back to normal, but make a step towards that. Instead of running away like he’s infected when you see us hanging with him, join in. Laugh at his stories, say something directly if you’re really feeling adventurous. I’m sure you can find a Dear Abby on this.”

The last comment causes Danton to toss a toast crust at him. Instead of retaliating, Anders pats Danton on the shoulder and goes to put the plates away.

 

\---------

Interpersonal life is hard to focus on with playoffs so close. Long practices, intense pressure, and the race to be first in the Atlantic makes Danton stressed to the point of ignoring his teammates' requests to go out and opt for watching Netflix for hours instead.

It’s not until Brandon gets injured days before the playoffs begin (again) that the team readjusts back into being a family instead of co-workers fed up with each other.

Pasta is the one to make a plan and have a small group accompany Brandon at a doctor's appointments. As hard as Brandon tried to act like he wasn’t that upset and instead make jokes about eating good food in the press boxes, they knew he was full of shit.

Danton was invited to come, along with Matt, Torey, Backes, and Sean. They made a game plan in advance to lift spirits, from wheelchair races (Matt’s idea) to reenacting doctor shows (Torey’s idea.)

“He’s coding!” Backes shouts to Torey, who is pressing two plastic water cups into Brandon’s torso. Brandon’s going along with it and playing dead with his tongue stuck out. Danton wonders if they should tape this and send it in for Oscar consideration.

“Hey, if he doesn’t make it, do we get all his stuff?” Sean turns to Danton to ask.

Just having Sean address him directly is enough to make Danton’s stomach flip.

In the past month their relationship had improved to a little awkward, but overall comfortable, understanding. Danton took Anders advice and stopped avoiding Sean, and made an effort to talk to him with a group. They still hadn’t been in a room alone since they hooked up. Or had a conversation one on one. Even talking to each other with others around, like Sean just did, was rare.

He missed Sean, but at the same time knew they needed that boundary. Sleeping with Sean and the ensuing fallout did not stifle Danton’s feelings for him as much as was hoped. If Danton was going to keep himself from making any stupid decisions, he needed the distance.

“Is he an organ donor? We could always sell his body parts on the black market.” Danton finally answers, getting a laugh from Sean.

Matt chimes in, startling Danton. He forgot the guys were here and other people could hear them. “Hey, I want a cut!”

“None of you are included in my will!” Brandon yells.

They chaos lasts for a few hours until they complete their mission and leaving having cheered Brandon up.. Danton, on the other hand, leaves in a daze. He barely remembers the doctor's assessment, saying goodbye to the guys, or even turning his car on.

After several miles driving home autopilot, Danton pulls over to cry.

It should be enough. Danton knows it should be enough. How many people would kill to be him, even other LGBT people, and get paid a steady income to play sports? To have friends to hang out with while living in an inclusive city? Sure, it sucks not being able to be out, to not even consider romance until retirement. But it could be worse. There are a lot of kids who get kicked out of their house for being gay or sent to therapy to try and get fixed.

He knows this, and yet can’t help but think “Is this it?”

For everything he has, his peers get more. They get a sense of freedom and safety he will never know. Never having to carefully avoid pronouns when telling a story like navigating a landmine, or having a list of fictional girls to cite when someone questions their dating history. His teammates will never have to make the compromise to work in the sport they love or finding someone they love. They will never have to live knowing two parts of their identity can’t coexist.

 

\------

Breakup day feels like the morning after a bad dream. Trying to piece together what went wrong after the Tampa series, when everything they had built for months fell apart instantly. Planning cookie cutter answers for the media. Wondering out who was still going to be here when the season began next fall. Everyone just wanted to go home.

Free agency was a couple months away, but the front offices work quickly with who they want to re-sign before other teams begin to call. That morning, they called Sean upstairs to begin his contract process.

Danton wasn’t sure if he should be happy about the likely signing. The idea of Sean in another jersey made him nauseous, more nauseous than when Timmy said he was going to test out the market. But after what happened in Tampa Bay? Maybe he shouldn’t be around Sean.

Even a few days later, Danton felt it was a dick move. The drinking that occurs after elimination is not the same as those at other kinds of team outings. They can only be likened to drinking after being served divorce papers. You drown your sorrows with people you understand, not look for one night stands.

Especially when eliminated as the away team, and even more if you’re Sean and never bring home guys anyway.

Part of what pissed Danton off is it was so risky. Sean spent a good hour hanging off some guy who looks like he drives a pickup truck decorated with too many stickers before introducing him as a friend from college. What an obvious lie. Miami isn’t even that close. Then Sean left with him because apparently, that’s something you do with all your former college buddies.

Maybe because they’re straight, or because they’re not hopelessly hung up on Sean like Danton, their teammates didn’t pick up on how obvious Sean’s flirting was. Like stealing all the fruit off that guys drink. Or asking to try on his glasses? Danton knows Sean has done that move on him.

If Sean wants to hook up with some guy who acts like his idea of fun is doing keg stands at a college party he’s too old for, so be it. The problem is doing it right after their season ends in another city. What if it went public? What media on the team’s break up day would be like then? Also, he shouldn’t be groping some sheriff woody look alike at the table, because that’s annoying regardless.

The rest of the day is a blur that Danton goes through the motions of, simmering in anger he can’t voice. He goes unbothered until packing equipment away in his car.

Footsteps come toward him in the empty parking lot before stopping behind him. “We need to talk.”

Danton had thought Sean, along with everyone else, had left.

“What do we have to talk about?” Danton doesn’t turn around to address him. He’s afraid of how he’ll react to seeing Sean.  
“When I was talking to the big bosses, they mentioned the hockey clinics in China. Said they wanted to send you and me. I’m going, but I figured I should give you a heads up. You know. In case that makes you want to decline.”

Sean’s tone is hard to read, but Danton knows him well enough to know that the last sentence was definitely a dig at him.

It’s enough to make Danton turn around. “Well, it depends. Do I get shit talked in front of everyone if I don’t go?”

“As long as you make it clear what you want, I don’t care.” Sean is quick with the subtle stabs, making Danton realize how irrational he must look.

“Do I make it clear by grinding on other guys in front of everyone?’

Not the smoothest comeback Danton has had, but it’ll do.

“Are you-” Sean begins a little more aggressively before catching himself. “You’re so fucking pathetic.”

With clenched fists, Danton takes a moment to think. The voice in the back of his head that sounds a little like Anders’ says his anger isn’t at Sean but at the world for making this doomed from the start. On another, fuck Sean for being a dick.

“How am I pathetic when you were begging to be fucked by a Steve Irwin wannabe?” That one Danton is a little more proud of.

Sean begins to crack and show anger.

“Because when I beg someone to fuck me I don’t ghost them after!”

“I did not-”

“Shut. The fuck. Up.” It’s more of a threat than a request. “You’re not going to try to explain this now. You had time to explain. It’s been four fucking months! You could have had this conversation four months ago instead of squirreling away whenever I got within thirty feet of you. I needed this talk then, I needed you then.”

The vulnerability makes Danton care less about winning and more about making it right. Most likely, it’s too late for either of those options. They’ve both lost.

“Sean, it wasn’t your fault, you know it-”

“Then why’d you make it feel like my fault? Why are you making me feel like shit for trying to move on?”

Danton let’s silence be his response, hoping this conversation will end. He can’t handle any more of it.

Sean rolls his eyes. They both know there’s no good explanation Nothing that can be said to fix this. “Maybe you should turn down China.”

That’s what Sean leaves him with.

It feels worse than the time he broke his arm in the second period. Worse than the time Jake hit in the eye with a nerf gun. Worse than every hangover he’s ever had, than throwing up in the parking lot with Anders after drinking too much. He’d rather lose a million times to Tampa Bay, or answer questions about Brad licking people for hours.

Every one of those things would be better than Sean being the one to call it a day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this not entirely sober and posting at 2:30 AM so if it shows I'm sorry. Enjoy the comrade kuraly part of this

****

A Google search isn’t needed for Danton to know there's not an out NHL player. He once looked it up at fifteen, confused and alone, using the family computer while everyone else slept. There were rumors over the years and teammates that never went pro. The closest they had to the NHL was the manager at Miami University who passed away and a number of players in women’s hockey.  

 

At fifteen, the draft was just a fantasy and Danton’s biggest problem should have been how to pass math. The future looked grim. Burke had only come out recently. There wasn’t coverage on the women’s hockey players and many were still closeted. Search results were page after page of tragedy, players who quit and were regretful or those who continued and were miserable.  

 

Danton wasn’t going to look it up again. He lived it in real time, the good and the bad. Athletes coming out, the Sochi Olympics discussions, and stories of same-gender marriages between hockey players kept hope alive.

 

Most of the time he felt like shit. Initiatives to end homophobia amounted to empty promises when compared to slurs getting hurled at him by those playing with and against him.  In high school, a defenseman on their team had quit shortly after coming out. The punishment was only handed out for homophobia when it was caught by the public. 

 

Things were changing, but not fast enough. Danton’s running out of time.

 

\------

 

If the Bruins were family, Brad was the older cousin who goes on “walks” with you before Christmas dinner. An unpretentious leader who tells the locker room what they need to hear. Sometimes that's a pep talk, sometimes it’s calling them out. 

 

His character inspires Danton to meet up with him before the team splinters off for the summer. It helps that Brad is their You Can Play ambassador. That title may not actually  _ mean  _ anything, but he is consistent in calling out homophobia on and off the ice. 

 

Panic only starts to set in for Danton while waiting for Brad at the restaurant they agreed on. The past week has had none stop coverage on his antics in Tampa. A pissed off fan could easily eavesdrop or a waiter could make a twitter thread of everything they said. This was stupid, he shouldn’t have asked him to co-

 

“Hey man, you gonna take off the hat and stay a while?” Brad’s greeting interrupts his racing thoughts. 

 

“Some of us don’t spend half an hour gelling our hair and arrive places on time instead.” 

 

His hair is a classic subject for chirps, coined by Torey before Danton had even been drafted. 

 

At first, they stick to small talk. Circling conversation about summer plans and placing their order before diving into why Danton asked him here.

 

“So, what's up? I know I’m fun and all but something tells me you didn’t miss me already.” Brad stirs his drink and grins. “I thought everyone had enough of me after the last two weeks.”

 

Taken by nerves, Danton can’t bring himself to laugh. It sets the tone for the conversation ahead. 

 

“Yeah, I….it’s about the team? Well, not really. It’s a personal thing that may affect the team? Like, the locker room, or the media, or-”

 

Brad stops him. “The more you wait, the more anxious you’re gonna get.”

 

“Okay, okay. You’re right.”

 

“I always am.” It’s said with an eye crinkle and wide smile from Brad. 

 

Danton gets hit with an overwhelming feeling everything will be alright. 

 

“Alright, I’m gay. I don’t want to be closeted anymore, but I don’t want to be the NHL’s diversity box checker either.” The words come out smoothly, but don’t provide any relief.

 

Brad’s expression doesn’t change. No look of shock or disbelief. Almost the same look he has when Danton comes to him for advice on stickhandling. 

 

“Can’t blame you for that, I wouldn’t want to be invited to events with our good friend Bettman. We can figure something out, though.” 

 

Looking at Brad is too hard. It feels like he admitted to a crime and is asking for help hiding the evidence.

 

“Before we get into it, I want you to know I’m with you. Even if one day we end up playing against each other in the Stanley cup finals, I’ll still be with you. I’m glad you told me.”  The tone is similar to the one Brad uses after a tough injury. It’s the voice he'll probably use with his kids when they’re older. 

 

For something so simple and genuine, Danton needs a moment to let it settle. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re not the first in this situation. There are guys that keep it quiet and only tell a handful of people. Trustworthy friends, PR representatives, people who help form a barrier between them and nosy motherfuckers. You make an initial circle and add to it over time. And I’ll fuck up anyone who steps out of line.” 

 

“Thanks for volunteering to lick homophobes for me,”  Danton can’t muster much strength behind the comment. It sounds so comforting and easy when Brad explains it. Instead of shrugging his shoulders and saying life sucks, he actively wants to help.

 

“Whatever it takes, Danny.” 

 

The past five minutes felt like scaling Mount Everest (and Z has talked about what that’s like) or crossing the Atlantic. He knew he had a long way to go, but two teammates knowing and helping him navigate it was unfathomable for fifteen-year-old Danton. Unfathomable for Danton at the beginning of the season. 

 

“If you need help doing background checks, I’ll lend a hand. I spent all last summer researching nanny’s so I’m qualified.” Brad adds the offer. It sounds like anything. Like offering to help Danton find a plumber or electrician. 

 

“By that you mean you’re gonna bother Bergy for recommendations?” This quip has a little more confidence behind it. Teasing is another way of saying yes to getting help in their little family. 

 

The comment prompts a story about Patrice’s recommendation of a child caretaker who did puppet shows for kids and ended up stealing their shampoo. Listening to Brad gush about Bergy in an overpriced burger joint brings relief to a pain Danton didn’t know he’d neglected. The worries weren’t in his head, the problems are still very real. 

 

But unlike before, he doesn’t have to face them alone. 

 

\--------

 

Sean lives at the end of the hall, so Danton has to be fast. Summer workouts are good for something after all. 

 

One hand holds a bag of Sean’s favorite coffee beans he’s always too lazy to search for. He whines to Danton about it all the time.

 

The other has an apology card. A little hipster shop near Danton’s had one with a cat stuck in the hanger on the front with the words “Sorry I screwed up.” Danton only filled in the inside fifteen minutes ago on the dashboard of his car.

 

_ Sean, _

 

_ I’m sorry. We should talk in person but I understand if you don’t want to speak to me. I’ll be at Vivianne’s Seafood House (the place Charlie doesn’t stop talking about) tomorrow at noon, alone. If you want to meet me.  _

 

_ Danton _

 

Danton sets the card and coffee bag neatly on Sean’s welcome mat. After several months of wear, the words on the rug are illegible.

 

He takes a deep breath, rings the doorbell, and runs for the stairs.

 

He hears the door open but doesn’t look back.

 

\--------

 

“You’re paying.” Sean declares as he takes a seat across from Danton.

 

Despite everything, Danton’s first thought is still how good Sean looks. Seeing him is like letting out a breath he’s been holding in for months.

 

“Don’t you have that nice contract extension?” Sean doesn’t soften up at Danton’s banter. “I’m kidding.” 

 

The restaurant is cheap, anyway. A long-standing hole in the wall place thriving off Boston’s seafood market, run by people who don’t know or care who the Bruins are. Charlie found it last year and they end up here when no one can decide where to eat. Either they never got identified by the staff and patrons or were recognized but left alone. Perfect for this conversation.

 

“I’ve missed you, you know. I’m still pissed but I missed you” Sean doesn’t waste any time before addressing the topic. 

 

All the regrets, all the apologies Danton thought of in the shower or stuck in traffic spill out of him.. “God, Sean. I’m sorry. I wasn’t ready. I was scared and left you with my mess and it wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry for ignoring you, and for being an asshole when I  _ did _ talk to you. Sorry for all of it.”

 

Danton intently focuses on fixing his hair while waiting for Sean’s response. For the first time since arriving, Sean meets his eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. Especially in front of everyone on the roadie.”

 

“I deserved it.”

 

“Danny, stop. You didn’t. I threw a bitch fit in public instead of saying something when you could defend yourself. I could have at least punched you in private.” It’s affirming. Sean has always advocated for Danton having a backbone, even while threatening him. 

 

Danton planned out everything he wanted to apologize for before arriving. Seeing Sean again made him want to skip all the hard stuff and talk about everything he hadn’t been able to the past few weeks. Tell him how much he’s glad to have him back. Sit too close and touch knees. That used to be enough for him. 

 

Sean speaks up again. “Maybe that’s why we work. I forget to think before speaking, and you forget to say anything at all.” 

 

“I like listening to what you say. Most of the time it’s something I need to hear.” He can’t help the compliments, and Sean can’t stop himself from turning shades of red.

 

“Well, I like you speaking. You got more to say then you think.” 

 

Their order gets called, leaving time for Danton’s mind to wander. He thinks back to Jake’s car and everyone ragging on his lack of love life for the same reasons. Or Anders telling him Sean can’t read his mind.

 

“I’ve loved you for so long.” The words come faintly from Danton when they sit back down. “I used to pretend it was harmless daydreaming and you were straight. But you’re not and worse, you liked  _ me _ and it sucks. It sucks because it’s still a crazy idea and the world isn’t any kinder but it didn’t seem so impossible anymore. I didn’t know how to handle it ‘cause it hurt and I’m a jerk but a sorry one.” 

 

Getting it out feels like throwing up razor blades. There’s no weight off his chest, not until Sean puts his hand on Danton’s bouncing knee.

 

“Enough apologize already. I forgive you. Like…I get it. I’ve read the articles about being gay in sports and saw the documentaries on Netflix  _ and _ Hulu. Got all the bases covered.” 

 

“Have you seen the one with the British guy who looks like Chris?”

 

Sean breaks into laughter. It’s only slightly tinted with nerves. “Only when drunk. But, what I’m saying is I get why you’re scared. 

 

“When I was in college…” Sean clears his throat and starts again. “At college, I was on and off with a dude at WMU. Met him playing against their team, started talking and got his number. Whenever we were in the same town we’d hook up. Sometimes he’d even drive down to Ohio to see me.”

 

Sean picks at his fingernails, a nervous habit of his Danton picked up on.  

 

“After a few months, his teammates found out. Didn’t know I was also a player at a rival school but knew he was gay and whatever happened after was enough for him to quit the team and cut contact with me.” 

 

The words hang thick in the air. Sean’s always been good at faking apathy with sensitive topics. After games, he’d be howling in the locker room and could shout at the television during a tense part of a show. He empathized with his friends' trouble, he could be emotional, just not about himself. When it was something that happened to Sean and not around him is when his emotions shut down to not give them any power. Not that it worked.

 

“I’m-”

 

“Don’t say you’re sorry.”

 

They know each other too well. With Sean’s background coming to light things make more sense. Danton already regretted his actions, but hearing this was the second time someone cut Sean off after having some sort of thing made it worse. 

 

“It made me realize that we give too much to the sport. Oher guys have to give up time with family, but they don’t have to be fucking celibate. And for what? We don’t play any better being lonely assholes.” 

 

Sean’s made peace with a conclusion that Danton has struggled with for years. 

“I guess that’s true.”

 

“Look at it like this. Me, you, any one of us can get traded and replaced by tomorrow. The coaching staff is nice and they care on some personal level but not enough to accommodate us, and that’s fine, it’s a job. But we should get to go home at the end of the day, too.” The sentences flow out with Sean leaning over the table. He does that when discussing something passionately, Danton noticed long ago.

 

Danton  _ wants _ to be on board. In theory, it all clicks but he knows the fear won’t go away when put in motion. 

 

“You make it sound so easy.” 

 

“Well, It’s pretty easy to fall in love with you,” The words are fluid from Sean’s mouth, and yeah, Danton could do this more often.

 

He looks at his feet, flustered. “You don’t have to sweet talk, I’m where you want me.”

 

“But I want you to stay.” 

 

There’s a shift in the air. Instead of flirting to see Danton squirm there’s a serious proposition hidden in there.

 

“You’re...still interested in me? I’m kind of a mess. And a dumbass.” 

 

Dreams becoming reality is exciting when it’s going to Disney or getting your first NHL goal. Not when it’s shameful wishful thinking about your best friend and spending hours turning over the memory of his head resting on you during the plane ride home. When you’ve fucked up already and don’t want to do it again.  When everything could get taken from you as unexpectedly as it was granted. 

 

Sean doesn’t sound as anxious as Danton does. He doesn’t miss a beat. “You are a mess, but you’re cute. And you’re trying to fix the problems. I’m not all there either, and…”

 

Danton waits.

 

“... I think we make each other better. You help me beat puzzles in video games and remind me to buy more soap.”

 

Danton knows Sean’s being shy about giving affection and that the only way to coax it out is by challenging him. “Glad to be of service?”

 

Sean rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. 

 

“You know what I mean. You’re the one who told me to stop giving shitty people second chances. Or to pick my battles better when I got mad at that trainer in Providence and almost fought him.”

 

This time Sean is the one flustered, which is a little fun to watch. Danton meets him in the middle.

 

“I know. It’s kinda like, you know when Jake says something really weird in the locker room when hyped up and we immediately look at each other to make sure the other person heard it too?”

 

“Like him saying ‘take their maple syrup money’ against the leafs?” Sean lists the example off the top of his head. There was an ongoing google doc with all the teams’ strange sayings. 

 

“Yeah! You’re the only person I do that with, or who I fall asleep texting. And you call me out on my shit and there’s really no one I’d rather have on my side than someone willing to say I’m being stupid.” Danton adds the last part in knowing his growth over the past few months because Sean held him accountable. Sean even told him he had no self-sustainability and wouldn’t win  _ Survivor _ , making Danton learn to change a tire and cook and wash delicates. Danton knows from seeing their apartments Sean didn’t make Jake or Charlie learn the same things.

 

When putting it in their own way, it’s less daunting.

 

“All of that, yeah. I want it to be that way all the time, but with making and sending you boyfriend jokes and sleeping in your bed when I stay over. Also, it means I can eat your food more often.”

 

One lesson Danton learned from Sean is the ability to say “fuck it” and take the leap. The risk was always worth it when Sean jumped with him. Now wouldn’t be different. 

 

“We can go back to mine. Talk it over and make out  _ and  _ you can steal my food.” 

 

Sean has never needed convincing when it came to Danton.

 

\--------

Transitioning from friends to boyfriends isn’t awkward like Danton thought it would be.

 

They would hang out alone and Danton would remember that he could hold Sean’s hand now.  Sometimes, Sean came with him to do something mundane like grocery shop and put weird food he wanted Danton to eat in the cart. 

 

Many things stayed the same. Like getting texts from Sean saying “ _ spider was staring me down in the shower fml _ .” Or Danton dropping Sean off at the gym and reminding him not to trip on the treadmill again, even though that only happened once.  

 

Their first real date was a trip to Salem organized by Danton. Sean had plenty of joke material about Danton’s romantic date planning and taking home a poltergeist. Those were quickly countered with jokes about buying Sean an ouija board for his birthday.

 

Despite the teasing, Danton knew Sean enjoyed the trip by the way he immediately started talking about how he had to plan “Next time.” 

 

Next time turned out to be four days later when Sean woke Danton up at ten am (the earliest they’d woken up this summer) and told him they were going somewhere nice and “wear something cute.” Sean couldn’t get the last part out without laughing at himself. 

 

He didn’t tell Danton the destination on the ride down I-95 south. For most of the trip, Sean kept his hand on Danton’s knee which was enough to keep him from complaining. 

 

“We’re almost there.” Sean uses his free hand to try to cover Danton's eyes. “Don’t look. It’s a surprise. Don’t look! Come on, Don’t look!”

 

He swats Sean’s hand away to stop the face-washing. “Is the surprise a car accident? I don’t remember that bachelor episode.”

 

“That’s date three.” Sean doesn’t attempt to hide the amusement in his voice. The sun lightens the blonde hair on top of his head and his beaming smile. “You can look now.”

 

They’re out on Rhode Island which, Danton figured out from the route, but pulled into one of the more secluded beaches the state has to offer. There’s a small sand line bordered by large, smooth rocks. It’s more of a fishing point than anything, the perfect place for privacy. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me to bring a bathing suit!” Is Danton’s first remark, afraid anything else will be too cheesy. Both had spent time in this state but the clear skies and bright colors of Rhode Island beaches continue to amaze him. 

 

Sean puts on a mock offended voice. “It would ruin the surprise if I told you. Just go in with your clothes, you’ll live.”

 

There’s either encouragement or a challenge in that sentence. Either way, it’s Danton’s justification for leaving his phone in the car and going straight into the water. 

 

Confidence overrules the unusual cold of the water for late June. It doesn’t hit Danton until he’s up to his chest, and it hits hard.

 

“Holy shit!” 

 

On the shore, Sean’s bent over laughing at Danton's sudden high pitched shout. 

  
“Any regrets? Last words?” Sean manages to yell at him in a voice inseparable from glee.

 

Making his way back to the shore, Danton reaches for Sean’s arm. “Don’t leave me out here, this was your idea.”

 

“Only fair we go down together” Sean concedes. He takes Danton’s hand and goes deeper with him, formulating a  _ Jaws _ joke in his head. 

 

\--------

 

They stay in the water until late afternoon when they head back to eat packed sandwiches and dry on the hood of Sean’s car. Sunlight hits them the right way, Danton curled so his head in on Sean’s chest. He’s exhausted from the ocean but Sean must be untouched judging by the way he jumps from one topic to another while playing with Danton’s hair. 

 

“I used to be scared of the ocean, you know.”

 

Danton adjusts his head to get a better view of Sean. “Yeah? Fear of water?” 

 

“Not all water, just ocean. You know when a pool ends, but we don’t know how deep the ocean is. It’s a whole lot of nothing or something we don’t know yet.” Sean explains. “Probably doesn’t make sense since you grew up on the coast, but all I knew of the ocean growing up was from Pirates of the Carribean and Bioshock. Not many positives.”

 

“Finding Nemo must have terrified you.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep for three days after Sharknado, dude.” 

 

A few minutes is spent joking about how Titanic was a horror movie for Sean. Danton can feel Sean’s laughter from underneath him and is hesitant to interrupt it with a serious question.

 

“Wait, if you’re scared of the ocean why’d you pick here to bring me?” 

 

Sean spends more time thinking it over than Danton expected he would.

 

“I’d chose to go snorkeling or visit some new planet, even if I shit my pants on the way there, ten out of ten times.” 

 

Danton's concerned there’s masochism at play here. “Why?”

 

His bewildered expression makes Sean giggle before replying.  “The reason I didn’t like it was ‘cause I couldn’t really see what was going on, we only know what’s in 5% of it, right? But there’s only one way to find out and see if it’s worth being scared about.”

 

“You’re better than me.” Danton plans to end the sentence there, but Sean makes a curious hum indicating for him to continue. “I’m not scared of a lot of things, I don’t care about spiders or heights or any of that. It’s what can happen that gets to me but I can’t stop them. Like, getting a bad concussion and not being able to play anymore or having my identity stolen.”

 

Verbalizing it is terrifying. Fate is armed with possibilities that could happen at any moment, things that Danton remembers calling his mom about in his first year away from college at three in the morning. He doesn’t do that anymore, but the worries never went away.  

 

“You’re making me look pretty silly with my fears right now.”  Sean knows to lighten the mood.

 

“Sorry to be a bummer.”

 

For the first time that afternoon, they let the sound of distant cars and seagulls fill the air. Danton’s mind is wandering to new topics when Sean brings him back in.

 

“What if it does happen?” His voice uncharacteristically wavers on the sentence.

 

Danton has an idea of what Sean’s talking about, but delays anyway. “What do you mean?” 

 

“If any of that stuff does happen...if I crash the car and you get injured and lose a winning lottery ticket in the crash and your great grandma’s inheritance, what then? Like, this shit happens to some people-’

 

“Um, Sean, this isn’t exactly making me feel any better.” It feels like a worthwhile interruption to keep from triggering a panic attack. 

 

“No, like, if it happens, you can handle it. People do. There are whole jobs dedicated to helping with emergencies. But if you’re just sitting up worrying about it before it happens, if it even does at all, then you’re letting the worst happen now.”

 

That’s not how it works, Danton almost replies, except he can’t come up with a good reason why Sean’s wrong. 

 

Other topics come and go without returning to the subject of fears. Instead of revisiting his nightmare scenarios that night, Danton replays the conversation in his head again and again. 

 

It doesn’t feel like it should make sense except it completely does. Losing to Tampa Bay in their anti-climatic fashion didn’t make the game seven come back against the Leafs any less great. A highlight reel goal isn’t negated by the scoring drought that comes before or after it. Even after the worse losses of the season, they still get dressed and play again three days later. 

 

Why is it any different when he goes home? 

 

\---------- 

 

September in Boston feels the way Danton thought New Years should. Maybe that’s just because he’s a hockey player and the season was starting. 

 

Everyone’s back in town for training camp, many preparing to go to China for preseason. Danton and Sean didn’t have to worry about that after their trip for the team in July, but the two’s recent experience meant being the subject of Jake’s interrogation on the way to get drinks with several of the guys.

 

“How much of the Great Wall did you actually walk? Because I’m gonna be a little beat from training and jet lag.” Jake brings up the topic for about the fifth time that afternoon. Charlie already exposed that Jake has been planning what to pack for the last month.

 

Sean meets the eyes of Anders sitting to his right and shakes his head. It was decided early that if Danton and Sean were going to be sitting next to each other constantly, one of them had to take the middle seat. Sean usually volunteered to have a wider audience to see his grand gestures and dramatics.

 

“Just as much as the cameras needed. It was beautiful and all, but they had us doing things from 9 am to 9 pm and didn’t care about jet lag. I don’t know how those Instagram influencers do it.” 

 

“Kim Kardashian has nothing on you two!” Charlie yells over the wind coming through the car.

 

The statement wakes Anders up. “Please, please get into a feud with a Taylor Swift.” 

 

Sean laughs so hard and buries his face into Danton's shoulder while Charlie begins to belt  _ I Knew You Were Trouble _ . 

 

“You two are cute though, you could be one of those social media couples. We can sell merch.” Jake suggests in between giggling at Charlie. 

 

The casual but warmhearted statement causes a surge of warmth through Danton.

 

“You can do vlogs and overshare. Jake and I will start a fight in the comments and make fan accounts for you on twitter.” Charlie elaborates, and Sean is quick to jump on it.

 

“You already run some, don’t you?” 

 

Hollering echoes from the car in response to the jab before Anders breaks in.

 

“Look, for all the pining and lusting we had to sit through last year we have no choice but to be invested.” 

 

Maybe they should be embarrassed, but Danton is a little too happy to feel any shame. There’s a long road ahead, but he’s okay if he’s taking the same route the guys in the car with him are. 

 

It helps to have your best friend as your co-pilot, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this to be a quick thing to get back into fiction and become comfortable with the current rosters characterization before committing to something with a more complicated plot. 
> 
> So much for that, because this was long and took me a month but I learned a lot and it was for the best because I hadn't written fiction as a genre in three years before this. Also, I wanted to make sure I had something out in the world before the trade deadline in case Sweeney decided to go Thanos. Anyway, this was fun and I hope to do it again soon under a different project.


End file.
